20 Years ago today

I'd forgotten totally what today was until my mother reminded me.  My mind was too busy thinking about all my kids' activities I had to accomplish today.  So anyway, twenty years ago today I was in the psych ward for the second time in my life, at age 17.  It's also what I consider my sobriety birthday since the last alcoholic drink I had was on October 19, 1989. 

After some weeks spent 'locked up' I made a conscious decision to change the path I was on.  I truly believe if I wouldn't have I would have been dead within a few years.  I also had the threat of being sent to rehab if I drank while taking my antidepressant that hung over my head.

In the last 20 years I've been through a lot of changes, just like a rollercoaster sometimes being at a peak and sometimes being at the bottom.  I've struggled with depression off and on, seeking extra help when I know I've needed it.  I've changed jobs, friends, residences.  But one thing hasn't changed, and that's my belief that I still can't drink alcohol.  My family is too precious to me, and to think of going and getting drunk for a "night of fun" and what that could ultimately lead to, I can't do that.  I know that with my depression and personality disorders, alcohol is a recipe for destruction (and any other mind-altering drugs). 

I had to laugh, a friend commented to me about being sober so long but only being 35.  She hoped it didn't offend me as if she was making light of my celebration.  I just laughed and said no way, and then told her imagine how funny it's gonna sound when I say I've been sober 40 years but I'm still only 35 years old lol.